Review~ Terrible Film With Mischa Barton, Moronic Spirits In Detroit; Apartment 1303 3D

Apartment 1303 3D, with Mischa Barton, Rebecca De Mornay.  Director, Michael Taverna.  I’m assuming this is a remake of a Japanese film called Apartment 1303, released in 2007.  Which I haven’t seen.  Reading a synopsis of the older film informed me it was an inspiration for this ridiculous calamity.  Summed up; it’s a horrible everything.

With a loud, orchestral film score (as if it’s a great epic) & the 3D effects, taking the lead, literally, in this meaningless bit of nothing; I can honestly say that it’s the worst film I’ve seen to date.  Juvenile script, put together ad hoc with scenes jumbled together, without reason or logic.  Literally.

A chronically head-in-hands, sobbing character played by a talentless, actress Barton; with an equally inept De Mornay, who’s much older & has managed not to accumulate any ability over the years.  It’s a joke!  It’s not destined to be a cult hit, I can tell you that.  The utter stupidity isn’t even funny.  What is funny, is that there’s no obligatory nudity, as if one of the actresses stipulated that in their contract.  If there had been some dirty pillows bouncing about, it would still have been a bomb.

It’s not scary & with a budget of five million greenbacks, I can only assume that it’s a payday of some kind for Barton & De Mornay.  I smell corruption in this thing; with the bank finding itself left with the short end of a stick.

One thing stands out.  De Mornay unable to even portray a dancing drunk & looking like a weather worn, rat queen.

Avoid this film.

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